Abstract

This article delves into the complexities of aging, painting a vivid picture of the fears, challenges, and touching moments that come with the passing years. It begins with a whimsical, introspective narrative—a surreal dream juxtaposed with the reality of waking life—that gradually transitions into poignant encounters and observations. Highlighting the struggles of elderly individuals, it emphasizes the essential need for companionship, care, and respect in their golden years. Touching upon personal experiences and societal observations, the piece shines a light on the societal neglect faced by the elderly in India, and support systems for geriatric care. It calls for a societal shift towards prioritizing the well-being and dignity of senior citizens, urging readers to spare time for their loved ones and extend a helping hand to those in need. The article’s heartwarming yet thought-provoking narrative encapsulates the essence of aging—its challenges, regrets, and the profound wisdom that comes with it.

I am on a gigantic ship on my solo sailing trip. The gypsy in me has ripened with age. However, the ” my stupid heart” is still like an 18-year-old and I am trying to do the Titanic pose on the railings of the ship. I am looking older and all wrinkled like a white pyjama just out of a washing machine. My hair is completely grey – I call them highlights of wisdom. My eyesight has faded to the extent that I see Tom Cruise in my husband. I am sipping wine ( aging like fine wine) on the deck and “accepting all cookies” offered to me by the waiter. No wonder I am looking like a carbie and not Barbie. And then suddenly the ship sinks and I am drowning. I yell in my sleep, and a familiar cacophony voice ( husband) shakes me up from my nightmare. I am sweating, and I sit up and find my feet on the floor of the house, and thank God, it’s not the ocean. It was just a nightmare. I dread two things one is drowning, and the second is something that goes up but never down. Aging and getting a morbid disease. Phew, most of us who are in the sixth decade of life suddenly behave like these enlightened souls with cliche quotes – life is short, live in the moment, family matters, and blah blah.

Technically, we are actually trying to tell our own selves all these as each one of us has these hidden fears and insecurities of old age, ailments, and loneliness, which we don’t admit. We have been a bunch of crazy friends for the last three decades, and we often say that we should build a huge bungalow or cottages outside Mumbai, and all of us crazy oldies can stay together once retire. There will be a bar for the spiritual and a yoga room for the other spirituals. And we all spend the vintage years together and take care of each other. After all, by now, we have tolerated each other so much that we are tuned to each other’s idiosyncrasies and fetishes. A few months ago, in the wee hours of the morning, I got a call from a classmate who lives in the USA. Her father had a stroke and was rushed by their neighbors to the hospital where I am attached. He looked glum attached to a ventilator, and I spotted a tika on his forehead. It was his bday the same day, so his wife had been to the temple to pray for him. The brain bleed was massive, and there was no good outcome in terms of quality of life, so the family wanted to opt for DNR. His wife, who was also old, was sitting in the waiting area looking confused, tired, and scared. I sat with her for some time, counseled her, and told her I was around to help in whatever way I could. 

Both their children have settled abroad, and it was a very challenging time for them with no kith or kin around them in these difficult times. This is albeit a very common situation nowadays with most of the senior citizens. With nuclear families and children living in other cities or countries, many old people are struck with loneliness and no one to look after them.

My husband is an ophthalmologist, and most of his patients are geriatrics – senior citizens. When they come for cataract surgeries occasionally, they share their plight and woe with him. Some may have financial troubles, and some have money but no family caretakers. Also, their children will not want to spend at times. On being asked whether they would opt for a high-end lens for cataract surgeries often, the answer from their sons or daughter is, ” Sir, he has now very few years to live, so put ordinary lens I do not want to spend. However, the same patient will enter my consulting room saying dr give the best vaccine to my child money is not a problem.

Isn’t it ironic?

At times, my husband may go to the extent of helping them so much that I jokingly say we could start an old age home in our house to provide post-op meals and care for your patients. 

My mother has been suffering from severe Parkinson’s disease for the last 15 years. She was once a powerhouse of energy, and enthusiasm, and my biggest rock support. Always smiling amidst challenges of life with a stoic resilience. She has been my idol in life, and I grew up imbibing her courage, strength, and positive attitude towards life.

However, in the past 5 years, it has been a very rapidly progressing downhill- She is sedated most of the time, has dementia, and impaired cognitive and motor functions. Seeing her suffering and being unable to cure her is my biggest setback as a doctor and a daughter. But what I regret most is the time when she wanted to spend with me, and I always gave an excuse of being busy multitasking at home and work while building my own life in the initial years. often when she would call me, I would say Mom I am busy in the clinic right now. I will call later. The latter was forgotten amidst raising two kids and treating patients. But now, when I call her or go to meet her, she is no longer the same person and barely talks to me at times. We should never get so busy with our lives that one day we regret having time but not having our parents around.

A friend recently told me he daily calls his parents while driving from home to the hospital every morning, and I really liked the concept. If there is one thing that old people need is our time. And sometimes just our presence, just being there for them, talking to them, holding their hand. They become stubborn and often don’t comply with what we say, just like small children do. We need to remember how patient they were with us in our childhood. So now it’s our turn to show utmost patience, care, and love. Most importantly, let them live a dignified life. And we realize it more when our children grow and fly out from our nests. It’s a circle of life that can turn into either a circus or a beautiful tree of life if it has a strong foundation.

Unfortunately, in our country, we don’t have any dedicated infrastructure, centers, or schemes for Geriatric care. It’s the most neglected category of population in our country, be it healthcare schemes, legal laws, and rights for their dignity, socioeconomic conditions, or government policies to help them. A recent survey done by Age Well Helpage India showed that 58% of senior citizens are abused and neglected. And it is worse during and after Covid. Hope someday it changes and soon.

Let’s go the extra mile to help those around us and spare time for those in our homes. For they deserve to live a lively life too and not die each day while living, To care for those who cared for you once is the highest honor.

As far as my old age, I often tell my children that I am going to be a nomad traveler, rolling joints, painting, and penning books by the meadows and mountains. They roll their eyes, saying that they need a good pediatrician and a cool granny around for their children, so there is no way out. 

Conclusion

In conclusion, this article invites readers on an emotive journey through the intricacies of aging, blending personal reflections with societal insights. It underscores the emotional resonance of growing older, from whimsy and dreams to the harsh reality of societal neglect experienced by the elderly.